Live Consciously

I am on a quest to discover how to be in a relationship.

What do I need to do in order to be, want, and discover a relationship?

Somewhere along the line I had stumbled.

I have been single for over a year, and had wanted some way to be in intimate relationships, but didn’t have a proper model, nor the self confidence to do so.

It left me with less than more.

There must be some way? Some way to connect with confidence? In a healthy manner.

Rather than hodgepodge, flighty hope.

Tools. I needed tools. Techniques, methods. So I could ensure, or promote, some health and wealth in my life.

I had found something a little different than I had expected.

Techniques of Suffering

If I had really wanted relationships as I professed, change would be made. Insisted upon that, but what changes would be best? I felt without a compass.

I needed something concrete, direct and applicable NOW.

Not tomorrow, or with 20 sessions of therapy. No way.

Here, now immediate! If not sooner!

Road Less Traveled

I felt I was breaking new territory. Within myself, by at least admitting my lack of success. That should have been enough.

It wasn’t.

Then provide for me the way.

An MD described it.

Prescribed it.

1. Scott Pleck.

“…experiencing the pain of problems constructively that I call discipline? There are four: delaying gratification, acceptance of responsibility, dedication to truth, and balancing.…”

No way.

Constructive pain management.

Confronting pain rather than avoiding it.

I had heard it before, zen monks may do this as a technique.

A way of dealing with trauma?

“To the contrary, they are simple tools, and almost all children are adept in their use by the age of ten. Yet presidents and kings will forget to use them, to their own downfall.”

I felt it then.

He was right.

An adult right. No removal of responsibility, denial of impact and purpose.

“For they are the tools with which pain is confronted rather than avoided, and if one seeks to avoid legitimate suffering, then one will avoid the use of these tools.”

Confronting pain. I didn’t like the sound of this. I had built my life around avoiding pain so this must not be right. Something along the way went terribly wrong. Somewhere.

I didn’t like this new found wisdom. It empowered choice and responsibility. Me. In short, gave me back what I had needed to choose this path. Simple, applicable methods of confronting relationships. And life.

“…examine the will to use them, which is love.”

The will to use these tools is love. What a way about it!

Love, the will to use these simple methods, to confront pain instead of avoiding it to bring joy into your life and in your relationships. A manual.

The whole text.

“What are these tools, these techniques of suffering, these means of experiencing the pain of problems constructively that I call discipline? There are four: delaying gratification, acceptance of responsibility, dedication to truth, and balancing. As will be evident, these are not complex tools whose application demands extensive training. To the contrary, they are simple tools, and almost all children are adept in their use by the age of ten. Yet presidents and kings will forget to use them, to their own downfall. The problem lies not in the complexity of these tools but in the will to use them. For they are the tools with which pain is confronted rather than avoided, and if one seeks to avoid legitimate suffering, then one will avoid the use of these tools. Therefore, after analyzing each of these tools, we shall in the next section examine the will to use them, which is love.”

-(from The Road Less Travelled, by M. Scott Peck, MD)

It became suddenly clear.