How to Be Polyamoric

August 9, 2006 at 8:20 am | Posted in Relationships | 1 Comment

First things first. What is polyamoric or more appropriately, polyamory?

Polyamory literally means “multi-loves” but the concept includes a variety of relationship practices. This can include multiple partners, triads, communities, and many different expressions of love and sex.

To put it simply, it means honest and responsible non-monogamy.

But how does one arrive at this state of honesty and responsibility? How do you attract people into your life with the same qualities?

There are several guideposts that may lead to successful poly-relationships.

1) Honesty. Probably the most important function of a relationship with anyone. Love, trust, and closeness is all built upon honesty. Its an essential and necessary skill to develop and cultivate in all aspects of your life. So take some inventory, and speak what’s on your mind. The people that love you will love you even more for it.

2) Develop Self-Knowledge. The best way to know others is to know yourself. What do you want? Do you know yourself well enough to be completely honest? Enough to dissolve the years of falsehood and ingrained conditioning? The primary step in any relationship is to honestly state what you want. You know what you want, just come out with it. Say it clearly, and people will respond, yourself included. 🙂

3) Take Responsibility. Taking responsibility for everything in your life is not only empowering, but also empowers your relationships. People can entrust you and you entrust yourself. You begin to take ownership your emotions and thoughts. You consciously direct the experiences in life that you want to have. Pretty powerful stuff, just by taking some initiative in your life.

4) Share in the needs of Others. Become a team. Work to mutually fulfill the needs of the loves in your life. The mutual closeness that is developed is what gives relationships such pleasure. Become a team player, and you’ll find that its a joy to give and receive.

5) Encourage Intimacy. Empower others in your life to pursue intimacy with other people. Deepen the intimacy that you have in your life by finding new ways to connect. Explore the areas you have in common. Put love first. Open yourself up to your fears. Recognize them and explore and release them with the people you love and trust. Find ways to uproot the limiting beliefs in your life, and find empowerment in honest, open living. Honor your feelings, and express them and your love without restraint.

6) Communicate. Communication is 100% essential in poly-relationships. With more than one person involved, emphasis on communication becomes an integral part of negotiating and relating to the loves in your life.

7) Decide on a Sexual Plan. With each love, decide and commit to a sexual plan. Part of responsible non-monogamy is remaining faithful to your agreements and decisions with your loves. This of course comes with trust, but remaining congruent with your plan ensures everyone’s safety and allows for your connections to grow.

With these guideposts, you can strengthen and develop your relationships in your life, whether they are polyamorous, monogamous, or other equally loving relationships.

May you have continued blessings and richness in your lives.

Namaste